Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
