Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
