I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
