i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
