so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
