I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no you cant smoke seaweed
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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