He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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