remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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