I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
