Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
