I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
