alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
