i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
where are you?
Hypothermia
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize