Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
