if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
