dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
dude. I can hear the air.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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