How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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