And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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