Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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