our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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