it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
