I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
