Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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