So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
