she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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