Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm bleeding and have questions
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
