Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
