Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
