Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
