So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
