hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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