I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
