better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
