I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
