So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
