I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
