Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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