we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
only you would photoshop your dick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
