Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
