Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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