it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
