Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
