put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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