If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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