that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize