You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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