best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
