a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
