Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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