When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
