i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
