No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm too high and old for this...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
