I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
