shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize