..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
