i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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