I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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