But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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