I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this boner is exhausting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
