she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
