Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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