Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My vagina is officially offended.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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