She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
