the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
