She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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