plz talk dirty to me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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