When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize