It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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