peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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