Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
