she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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