Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
