Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
