My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
