Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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