Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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