She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
