Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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