the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
