You really coming over, don't trick.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
