Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
