God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
