What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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