Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
