I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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