What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
