Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
