best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
