You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
