Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
