It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
