i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
