So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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