Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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