So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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