Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
