Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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